“What The Heck Is This?” Skiers Loop Around Aimlessly Like Group Of Puffins After Mountain Updates Green Circle To Shamrock

Skiers moseyed around aimlessly, like puffins on a rock, at the top of Penguin Promenade after the trail sign was changed from a green circle to a shamrock as a fun, St. Patrick’s day jest by mountain staff in what quickly became a nightmare.

“Hey, what the heck is this?” piped skier Bill Pockets as he skidded to a stop like he pulled an e-brake. “Green shamrock?…What are we supposed to do now?”

“On the map, it says Penguin Promenade is a green circle! Now who knows what level of difficulty it is,” voiced Marcy Mittens as she looped back and forth looking at a trail map before a two-year-old descended the trail with ease. “Everyone, stop! The terrain has changed!”

Mass chaos quickly ensued as skiers collected into a large colony, like puffins gathering for warmth, where they are currently waiting for rescue.

New Chairlift Will Run Right Through Living Room Of Slopeside Chalets

A new ski lift is set to open that will plow right through chalet living rooms for the closest ski-in/ski-out experience the mountain has to offer.

The new chair will have imported velveteen seats and scoop skiers right from their couch, placing them straight on the mountain.

Local skier, Harvard Mountington, says he will be waiting; cashmere bathrobe, fine leather slippers, and all, ready for a day at après.

Man Skiing In Green Top Hat Regrets Decision After Hat Blows Away 20 Times On First Run

A green top hat was seen zipping, rolling, and flying across the mountain after it blew off Chip Quint’s head for the 20th time on his first run of the day.

“I fully regret the decision to wear the hat and advise others to learn from my mistakes,” griped Chip as the hat took off into a canyon and landed on a mountain goat.

“I thought it’d be a cool idea, but the hat flew off any time I gained an ounce of speed…at least I still have my cool, green mustache!” continued an optimistic Chip as a wind gust pulled the stick-on clean from his face and carried it away into a crevasse.

Mountain Insists Exposed Green Grass Is In Celebration Of St. Patrick’s Day, Not Because Snow Is God-Awful

Mountain staff insists the piles of exposed grass on 98% of the trails are NOT because the snow is melting, but are intentionally exposed as an intentional festive nod to St. Patrick.

“We love St. Pat here!” said an anonymous staff member as he combed the grass down to blend with the surrounding snow. “We figured, ‘hey, why not celebrate the holiday by having a few clover-filled trails?’”

Staff relayed that if skiers look close enough at the ground, there are clovers, shamrocks, and a rock or two that will probably snap their skis clean in half like a toothpick, but hope the prospect of finding a lucky to 3-leaf clover makes up for that.