Bunny Slope Has New Area Where Skiers Just Walk Around With Skis

The bunny slope debuted a new terrain area, a 10×10-foot roped-off square, where riders can walk around aimlessly with their skis, boards, and poles and get acquainted with their gear in a risk-free zone.

“This gives skiers and snowboarders an area where they can walk around like complete buffoons and not be at the mercy of a crowd of eyes,” said a staff member as a rider slid by in a shark fin helmet.

Skiers and boarders were seen walking around in circles, fumbling with ski boots and poles, wondering where the nearest hot cocoa station was before chucking their skis down the slope and heading in for après.

Groomer Who Just Groomed Asks Skiers To Stay Off Trail Until Snow Is Completely Dry Like It A Freshly Mopped Floor

A groomer was seen corralling skiers away from a freshly groomed trail like he was herding sheep off a freshly mopped floor as he vowed to protect the newly groomed run at all costs.

“This trail is off limits, I don’t want to wreck anything, I worked all night on this,” said the groomer about the trail like it was wet paint drying.

“It’s just so perfect right now,” he continued as he became more obsessed with maintaining his creation, like it was a freshly made bed he didn’t want to get wrecked, as he fluffed powder near the bottom of the trail. “I’d like to go over it a few more times, even,” continued the groomer like he was about to paint a kitchen wall.

Employee Sitting In Hut Just A Cardboard Cutout This Whole Time

In the bombshell of the century, it was discovered that a staff member who sat in the warming hut at the bottom of the lift was actually a cardboard cutout this whole time.

“For years I saw a shadow sitting in the hut, and always wondered why I didn’t get a wave back,” said season pass member Linda Mittens, “it’s a shock really, I can’t believe it,” continued Linda as she privately ripped up a dinner invite she was going to leave for the cutout.

The cutout was found to be made from an old pizza box that an employee in the early 90’s crafted and left in the window on-post.

Mountain managers were shocked to find out their best employee was a corrugated fiberboard asking to “please respect our privacy during this time", as staff removed the cutout and flattened it to place in recycling as part of their green initiative.

Skier Plans To Jump Over Entire Mountain Like It’s Nothing

Prepared to make history, a skier plans to jump over the entire mountain like Evel Knievel this afternoon in what he is calling a stunt “easier than a skip and a hop”.

The skier, going by the nickname ‘Flip’, will launch off a self-made jump and plans to ascend 4,000 feet upwards, where he will do one giant backflip over the summit before landing smoothly on the back of the mountain.

“With enough speed, I’ll clear this thing easily,” said Flip like he was about to jump over an ant hill. “I’ve been training for this for the last 3 hours,” he continued, like he was an astronaut launching into orbit.

Flip was seen hyping fans up, who were hesitant that he could pull it off, but were quickly reassured when he showed them a rough mockup of how he was going to ascend with the help of gravity and sheer will.

Flip was seen launching off his jump, reaching a total height of 16 feet, enough to clear over a little ripper, before he slowly descended like a seaplane coming in for a slow landing on an ice pond.