Officials Plan To Introduce New Ski Racing Course That Will Loop In A Circle Indefinitely Like A Honey Nut Cheerio

Mountain ops are excited to announce a new ski racing course that will just loop in a circle indefinitely to keep ski racers occupied on the mountain where they can freely zoom around at speeds of 1,000 mph and upwards.

“This way we can keep the racers contained in one area, like a NASCAR track, and it will potentially be hours before they notice they’re looping the same course,” continued mountain ops staff as they showed their plans, which included a 3-D design model of the Cheerio-shaped trail.

When pressed why they used a Cheerio in the model, staff responded, “Listen, we use what we have out here; any more pertinent questions Einstein?”

Mountain staff continued getting riled up about the course like they were starting a revolution saying, “No longer will other skiers be blown off the trail like napkins in the wind when racers go by at grand speeds; we are taking a stand!” continued mountain staff as they manically pressed their hands together in anticipation of the trail’s opening while trail designers began sketching a jumbo Honey Nut Cheerio for the racecourse blueprint.

Skier In Utah Somehow Still Skiing Powder In August

A skier who goes by Wilson is somehow still skiing powder in August despite mountain closures across the board.

“He keeps sending pics of himself skiing canyons, saying he found the last line of snow. I really have no idea where he is,” say friends who have been bombarded with pictures and videos of the skier careening down cliffs onto a pile of snow for the entire summer.

“He’s somewhere up on a ridge; I mean half of it must be rock he’s skiing on, but to each his own I guess,” said the skier’s friends as he sent them a picture of him sitting in a pile of fluff saying “looksie what I found, you guys are missing out!”

Bear Caught Cooking Breakfast Soufflé After Breaking Into Ski Chalet

Officials are asking the public to be on high alert after a bear broke into a chalet and was caught cooking a full-course breakfast by the chalet’s owner.

“I woke up to the smell of bacon, maple syrup and hashbrowns, and that’s when I went downstairs to find a bear cracking eggs into a pan making an omelet like he was Bobby Flay,” said the rattled chalet owner as she wrote down the recipe the bear used for silver dollar pancakes.

“He must have been in there 1-2 hours, and he destroyed my seasonings cabinet, I assume when he went looking for a spatula,” continued the owner as she showed pictures of the damage the bear caused, which included a burnt soufflé, “I mean it looks like he nuked the place.”

Officials say it’s common practice for bears to access homes to make full course meals and suggest leaving a spatula, and perhaps some pepper, out on the counter or under a front mat to prevent widespread destruction to homes.