"Give Me A Redo!" Skier Demands Another Shot At The Title After Duck Lands On Him During Splash Pond Run

“What the flock was that!” yelled annual splash pond contestant #57 as he faceplanted straight into the water, like he tripped over a shoelace, when a mallard duck landed on him during his launch across the artificial pool.

“He sabotaged me!” yelled the contestant as he clamored up the side of the pond like a washed-up surfer after a wipeout, while the duck sat on his head, nestling his beak through the man’s hair.

“This duck cost me any shot of winning this thing,” griped the contestant as the duck hopped off the man’s head and swam around in the makeshift pool.

The contestant was awarded a mulligan and seen descending the track again, but was quickly cut off by the duck in skis, who went on to win the contest.

Skier Enters “Family Ski Zone”, Leaves With Set Of Grandparents

In a heartwarming story from the slopes, a stray skier entered the “Family Ski Zone Area” on Lower Scribbles and left with a set of grandparents—Walter and Bennet.

“The craziest thing about it is I entered the zone by accident, and next thing you know, I have two new family members,” said the skier as Walter and Bennet gifted him a birthday card with a $5 bill inside.

“They’ve missed a lot and know absolutely nothing about me, but nothing a few dinners at Old Country Buffet can’t fix,” continued the skier as the grandparents made sure he had enough fruit pie before they put it back in their brown bag lunch.

“No One Help Me! I've Got This!” Says Skier Who's Somersaulting Down Trail

A skier, who has been rolling like a giant snowball down Upper Middle Pinecone, has repeatedly told friends, “he doesn't need help, and everything’s good here!” as he cartwheeled down another section of the trail.

“We keep asking him if he needs help, but he says he’s fine,” chimed in his friends as the skier got up only to be hit by a snowflake, sending him careening down another 15 yards of the trail.

He climbed to his knees but quickly slipped into a type of plank pose, where he ran in place trying to gain composure, before he spun around like a vinyl record down the trail.

“See, I meant to do this!” said the skier as he finally landed in front of the lodge, rising to his feet like a superhero who was about to make a comeback.

Mitten Under Chairlift Unaware It Subject of Thousands Of Conspiracy Theories

A lone mitten sitting in the snow underneath the Bumbler Chairlift is currently the subject of thousands of compelling conspiracy theories, including claims it was left there 10,000 years ago during the ice age by a hunter.

“The mitten has been sitting below the lift all day, it could have been placed there during the last ice age by a hunter, or gatherer,” said local skier Bonnie B about the mitten that has been there for 4-5 hours tops, “or it could have been placed there as some type of trap,” continued an intrigued Bonnie as she hosted a pop-up seminar off lift about the mitten.

Stories continued to swirl, such as theories that it could be an ancient artifact, a clue to Bigfoot’s existence, and even part of a government cover-up.

The theories multiplied exponentially after a person wearing only one mitten was seen trudging through the snow under the lift, climbing towards the mitten. Check back for updates.