Ski Season Riding On This Single Snowflake Don’t Even Think About Touching It!

In a winter dalliance, a snowflake dropped from the heavens early this morning and landed on a mountain staff’s mitten, where it was quickly ushered into a freezer for safekeeping.

“We were thinking about closing the mountain, but then this beacon of winter descended like a piece of cotton candy in the wind. Thank god,” said mountain staff, convinced the snowflake would multiply into a 4-foot deep blanket of snow over the entire mountain.

Mountain officials are asking that no one breathe on, touch, or even look at the snowflake, as it’s under strict protection to ensure the mountain’s future.

Lift Ambassador Scans Skier’s Lift Pass Like He’s Bag Of Chips At Grocery Store

A lift ambassador was seen scanning a skier for his pass like he was ringing up a bag of potato chips at the grocery store.

“The pass is on my left sleeve!” yelled the skier as he was ransacked by the ambassador as he tried his best to get a green scan on the skier, “it’s not on my helmet, the left arm!” he continued as the card reader repeatedly came up as “no read”.

“He beeped 3-4 times in a row before he was pushed aside to a special roped-off area like a piece of produce waiting to get a correct price tag,” said fellow snowboarder Ted Yeppers as he looked on and offered to have the manager scan him since they were both about the same height and weight.

Skiers In Gondola Sit In Complete Silence Together Like One Big Awkward Elevator Ride

In an awkward ascent to the top of the mountain, a group of skiers sat in complete silence like one big office elevator ride to the summit.

A few times, a skier sighed like he was about to say something but ultimately looked down and pretended to be buttoning his coat.

The skier sighed again, this time making direct eye contact with one of the fellow passengers, but quickly shied away looking down fearing if he spoke he would risk having to hold a conversation for the entire ride.

The group was seen awkwardly bumping into each other as they exited the gondola, at which point the skier attempted to voice “good day” but ultimately gave a forced smile and nodded, walking away without ever breaking the silence.

Skiers Hustle Up To Lift Chair Like Horses Racing In Kentucky Derby

In a mad dash, three skiers and a snowboarder were seen racing from the lift line turn styles up to the lift boarding area like horses doubling down their last couple of yards in the Kentucky Derby.

As soon as the group in front of them were whisked up on a chair, the group raced off like a firecracker was set off, hustling and galloping their way to the “board here” line before being scooped up onto the chair like jockeys on a stallion.

“There was a clear winner in the group,” said liftee Franz Sky as he called out the leader of the group over a megaphone, “the skier in racing skis does it again!” yelled Franz like he had placed money on the riders.

Opposition quickly arose after many in line argued the skier had a completely unfair advantage as a boarder in the group fell behind rather quickly trotting up with one foot on the ground like an injured horse.

Study Finds Skiers Just Want Frickin’ Chili

The scrumptious findings are finally in. A much-awaited 20-year study has finally concluded, revealing skiers just want frickin’ chili.

“We’ve tried a few different things, but it always comes back to the frickin’ chili,” said mountain staff member Charla Peters as she adjusted the bar menu to include chili breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

“CHI-LI! CHI-LI! CHILI!” yelled skiers as they ransacked the kitchens like bears foraging for a long winter.

Mountain staff said 90% of skiers come to the mountain for the frickin’ chili and don’t even care about skiing. “Where else can I get frickin’ chili?” voiced an après skier, like chili was hard to come by. “Chili and chili. That’s it. I just want frickin’ chili!!!!”