Avalanche Beacons Now Ping Skiers When Lodge Fry Cup Ready

In a new development, avalanche beacons now ping riders when the $5.99 French fry cup is ready at the lift lodge.

The lodge’s executive chef gained access at 4:03 a.m. to the network to send urgent pings to all beacons in the area when the fry cups are ready, as he reported upwards of 20 cups a day sit on the warmer like bad leftovers from grandma’s.

“I was skiing down Upper Scribbles when I got an ‘orders up!’ notification for the lift lodge,” says a boarder who has gotten a dozen fry cup dings since turning his beacon on a few minutes ago, “I didn’t order anything, but I guess I’ll check it out after my next run.”

The executive chef says riders can expect pings every 15 minutes during the lunch hour and will continue until the fry cups are cleared from the cafe warmers.

Skier’s Scarf Long Enough To Form Rescue Chain Down Mountain

During a gust of wind, the tail end of a skier’s long scarf fastened around a lift post at the summit, unbeknownst to the skier as she headed down the hill, at which point it created a taut line of fabric hundreds of yards long.

Skiers were then seen using the scarf as a guide to get down the mountain, and climbers quickly took the opportunity to hike up the mountain with the secure line in place.

The skier, operating as an anchor at this point, was walking into the lodge when she felt a pull on her scarf and turned around to find about fifty skiers and climbers using it as a fixed rope to guide themselves up and down the mountain at their leisure.

The scarf was quickly ripped from its perch when the skier decided to hop on a snowmobile back to her chalet, at which point the lift post was ripped straight from the ground like a toothpick as the scarf ran out of slack.

Clueless Snow Shoveler, Bernard Shoe, Discovers Lost City Of 'Skitopia'

A local resident, Bernard Shoe, was shoveling snow out near the parking lot before he unexpectedly unearthed the lost city of ‘Skitopia’.

“I was moving the snow around before coming across an old clay ski and ruins of what appeared to be a city,” continued Shoe as he dusted off a frozen hot cocoa cup he says is probably the very first piece of Skitopian pottery.

A local Skitopian expert weighed in, saying, “Skitopia was an empire built around 10,000 BCE which ultimately fell after rising prices caused Skitopians to cross-country ski to neighboring Idaho. It’s been completely lost until Bernard discovered the old mail route.

Local officials came to cordon off the area while Shoe became increasingly excited and pompous after becoming the first person to find the lost city.

“I always knew it was here, and I knew I’d find it. Perseverance pays off,” continued Shoe after dabbing a cigar in caviar before having his new assistant place a velvet robe across his shoulders.

Shoe’s fame was short-lived after another shoveler in the vicinity discovered the lost city of Skilantis